Getting Personal with your Team

In my first management role, I had a mentor who believed that personal lives should be separate from work lives. He felt it was important for managers to be impersonal with their teams to avoid the perception of favoritism, to prevent employees from expecting special treatment, and to keep from making emotional decisions. I took this advice to heart and focused on supporting my team to the best of my ability in a strictly professional way. I mentored them, avidly supported professional development, assigned projects aligned to personal interests and skill sets, and remained fair and consistent. All good stuff…

A year or so into my tenure, my manager initiated feedback sessions between her managers and staff. My team’s most emphasized request was for me to express a personal interest in them. That took me by surprise. I heeded their request though and made rounds each morning to talk about how things were going, both professionally and personally. There were noticeable changes. The mood was lighter and more relaxed and the trust between us grew. I felt like a more kind and complete leader.

In hindsight, I can see that I shouldn’t have been surprised by that feedback, and my mentor’s perspective, while well-intentioned, was limited. He was former military with a “separation of church and state” mentality that was based on keeping management straightforward. It’s not. In reality, most people blend their professional and personal lives. We take our work home and we bring our personal issues to work. We want to be seen as whole people, not just workers. To trust our leadership, we need to feel that they care about us as whole people, and that means they need to have a vested personal interest in us as well.

This makes perfect sense when viewed through the context of the Platinum Rule. As a manager, how do you treat an employee as they want to be treated if you choose to restrict your view of them to a specific vantage point? You miss out on nuances of their personalities, challenges, and desires and that can prevent you from providing them the tailored mentoring they need to excel in their roles, advance in their careers, and be fulfilled in their work.

If you don’t already talk to your employees about their personal lives, it can be awkward to transition into doing so. There are a few ways you can get started.

• Include short activities into team meetings that touch on personal but business-appropriate topics.

• Ask simple, non-threatening personal questions in coaching sessions, while waiting for meetings to start, or when running into someone at the water cooler.

• Join in when employees chat together over coffee or at lunch, even happy hour.

• Pay attention to what they say, making notes if necessary, and use that information to ask more personalized questions later.

Taking the above actions shows your team that you respect them as complete individuals, and that goes a long way toward building trust, which is a necessity for a long-term, high performing team. Just keep the Platinum Rule in mind and remember that some employees may not be comfortable sharing much personal information. Always respect and work with their preferences. You and your team will inevitably benefit from it.