The Limits of Caring

I was at the pool yesterday and there was a family there that included a little girl about 4 years old. She wasn’t enjoying the water and her father was trying to teach her to overcome her fear and jump in. His tactics were undeniably verbally abusive.

This has been heavy on my mind while I’ve figured out what there was to learn from the situation. I was helpless to do anything to help that child and I think that’s where the lesson lies.

Why am I bringing that up here, in a professional forum? I realized that the helpless feeling was somewhat familiar. I’ve had relationships where I felt unable to help someone get to a better place, and a couple of those were with underperforming employees.

As leaders and as caring human beings, our hearts can hurt a little when we see someone making decisions that don’t appear to be in their best interest. With employees, we can encourage, prod, and escalate to help them grow and overcome challenges. But with employees, as with this stranger at the pool, we’re more limited in the options we have than in personal relationships. If our efforts aren’t successful, we may get to a place where all that’s left to do is watch someone metaphorically crash and burn.

It can weigh on your mind when you know someone is headed on a path to some level of destruction. Letting go of responsibility for employees’ decisions is a critical skill to learn to maintain your own mental well-being and to have the energy to support the rest of your team. Genuinely caring about your employees is an important component of being a good leader. However, having a healthy boundary that prevents over-caring is just as important.